The fear of the beginner is small next to the fear of beginning. So... here goes nothing. We can start to blog with a few experiments and hopefully get the hang and start doing it more.
Every day we get up and see him, crying sleeping or otherwise is the greatest joy we've ever know together. It's good to have this forum to log Benny's progress and keep track of the events that have happened as well as to share them with all of you. I'm doing my best here trying to get this down, I'm sure it will improve as time goes on.
Starting from the beginning...
The trip to the hospital when the birth was finally imminent was as beautiful as it was chaotic, like watching a slow-mo footage of a car safety crash. Giving up all control to the overworked staff's advice and suggestions was difficult, mechanical and distracting. Tempering the frustration of our lack of experience against the machine of modern birthing practice repeatedly got in the way of our ability to truly enjoy what we were going through.This is not to say the nurses and doctors were not absolutely brilliant and capable, it's just the magic of what I had been anticipating was quelled by an endless series of questions and decisions we had no choice but to make and live with. Like finally getting to go to Disneyland after much anticipation, bursting through the front gates of the magic kingdom only to find Mickey sitting on a park bench, giant foam head next to him arguing with a supervisor about when he gets to take a lunch break. Were not extraordinary, but after what we had been through to get to this point I (quite selfishly) couldn't help but to feel a little more due. The ends justify the whatevers, and keeping in mind what is happening has very little with me anyway I digress.
Wendy was in labor 20 hours, epidural, blessed relief, clock watching, and at the end, a doctor's knife vs the miracle of natural childbirth, as feared (?) as that may be, was chosen.
The anesthesiologist, whose name I wish dearly I could remember, was an absolute beam of light. If you can feel peace in an operating room with the Neonatal intensive care staff buzzing all about, after the hours (months) of anticipation of this one single event, then one cant help but to believe in angels. The doctor blocked more than the pain of surgery, his comfort was not confined to viles and syringes. He also took these records of events.
Ecstasy.
There is no anguish, fear or complication on Earth that can withstand the un-tellable bliss we shared in these moments.
Not even the threat of five more days of Hospital food.
The next few days were filled with much, much learning. Breast feeding.....
Adjusting to lack of sleep....
Circumcision.....*Note how much calmer Little Ben is than I was.
But most important was starting to learn how much our lives were to be changed and how nothing has mattered or will ever matter more to us than what has just happened. Meeting Lil Ben, learning more about him every day, was the most terrifying and wonderful week of my life.
This will be continued in the next blog titled Part Two.
